Reaching Students for Christ he akonga ki nga akonga hei ara whakawhiti mo te Karaiti

Coming Home

As a pastor’s kid, my first experiences of church were largely defined by my dad’s role. It meant sitting near the front, playing an active part in Sunday school and waiting a lifetime for my parents to stop talking once the service had ended. I did like church, but it was the songs, the toys and kids I played with that made it cool.

A few months following my sixth birthday, Dad committed suicide. We learned of his depression only after his death – an explanation, sure, but gone was gone and I missed him. Dad’s death meant huge change for my family. And church was never quite the same.

While my childhood was far from ideal, the good far outweighed the not-so-good. I’d been blessed with a Christian family. My family had many loving friends. My battles with grief saw experiences of community, of kindness and love. Mum, my older brother, younger sister and I grew close – we enjoyed some great holidays and continue to hold valuable memories. 

I took a particular liking to sport, then to music and art. School always suited me. I worked hard and enjoyed good grades. In my seventh form year, I became Head Boy of my college. My mates were a great bunch from many backgrounds and walks of life. As we all got older, parties and town gave us a new avenue for success, and I entered university with everything going for me... at least, that’s what it might have looked like, from the outside. 

Life for me really wasn’t that great and I knew it. I was struggling a lot and far too good at hiding it. What I saw as success had confined me to a world I became increasingly uncomfortable with. I felt deeply conflicted. Something major was missing that no amount of friends and no achievement of mine could replace.

It had been a long time since I’d properly belonged to a church and I felt isolated from the few Christians around me. Although I believed in God, I had no real understanding of what He wanted for me. I prayed occasionally, when things got tough, but it felt very much like a get-out-of-jail-free card. My Bible was more-or-less a bookend on my shelf. I had been blessed, yet I failed to acknowledge whose blessing it was. God is the main character in my story; I just didn’t know it yet.

It took a bit of a risk to realise where God wanted me. At orientation, on my first day of uni, I gave the Victoria University Christian Union (CU) my cell number. Then, having surrendered my number, I feared I’d lost my mind! Josh Irving would not do that! And I was sort of right. I believe God had compelled me and, for the first time, I felt His call.

I was invited to join a small group, and I went along. We studied Luke’s gospel and prayed together. It was here that I began to really take hold of my faith. I was confronted with some pretty big questions - was Jesus the real thing, and if so what was my response?

I was also conscious of my difference to the CUers. Many were intellectuals, well versed in Scripture and looked to me like mature Christians. I knew I could fake it to begin with, but the Bible, even the gospel, was pretty new to me. It was hard-going feeling so inadequate. Still, God had me at CU for a purpose.

The more questions I asked, the more I learnt; the more I learnt, the more I wanted to know. I ran and bought myself an audio Bible (one of the best things I’ve ever done!). Matthew, Mark, Luke and John accompanied me on the bus, as I walked, and sometimes as I ate my lunch. I was beginning to understand what it meant to be a follower of Christ Jesus.

Eventually, I attended CU’s Thursday-night large group meetings and got stuck in. I found a church that I liked. I attended TSCF’s Student Leadership Conference (SLC) and loved it! It struck me for the first time that I was not all that different. There were students from all around New Zealand and the world, some older and wiser and some, like me, who knew less of God, His Son Jesus and the promise of salvation. SLC taught me a great deal about the gospel, about myself and about where God was leading me. There was no pressure or even expectation, just support where I needed it. Some people use the phrase ‘life-changing’. I’ll stick with ‘life-saving’ – SLC really was.

I’m fully stoked to be a part of CU and TSCF now, alongside many others of different ages and stages but all with the same purpose, to help students reach students for Christ. I try to live each day as it comes, constantly being reminded that God has His plan for me, He loves me and wants to know me more.

Growing up, I would often wonder if Dad would be proud. I wanted to do right by him and, in one way or another, make up for the loss I felt. Of course, the death of my father remains a big part of me, but I cannot describe how great it is knowing that God, our Father, is always with me and that I can strive to do right by Him. For He alone can bring peace and comfort through suffering. In Him, I am home.

Josh Irving, Vic CU student